The Train Job
You've got the light...from the console...keep you, lift you up. They shine like...little angels...Cast · Intro · Act 1 · Act 2 · Act 3 · Act 4
Guest Cast
Belly Dancer
Sheriff Bourne
Lund
Bar Guy
Crow
Adelai Niska
Deputy
Officer
Ensign
Henchman
Fed
Fed #2
Immigrant Woman #1
Immigrant Woman #2
Man #1
Man #2
Intro
|
There's just an acre of you fellas! |
| Transcribed: | Minim Calibre |
| Written: | Joss Whedon & Tim Minear |
| Directed: | Joss Whedon |
| Aired: | September 20, 2002 |
INT. BAR
Belly dancer and men playing cards, middle eastern music playing. Pan up MAL in brown coat playing chinese checkers. He's sitting with an ZOE and JAYNE
JAYNE (To Mal)
Your move.
MAL moves pieces.
ZOE (To Mal)
That's a bold move.
MAL
I live on the edge.
Mal takes a swallow of his drink. Zoe moves her pieces.
JAYNE (to MAL)
Nice work, dumbass.
MAL
I'd given some thought to movin' off the edge--not an ideal location--thinkin' a place in the middle.
MAN (O.S.)
Toast! Toast!
(the noise continues)
QUIET! SHUT UP!
Camera moves to a MAN, standing at the bar. He's large, bald, and drunk -- and his name is LUND.
I'm, uh, I got words... I'm sayin' this is an
a'spicious day.
Camera moves to MAL, looking uncomfortable and serious.
We all know what day it is.
JAYNE
(quietly, to MAL)
Suspicious... what day is it?
The camera moves back to the MAN.
A glorious day, for all the proud members of the
allied planets. Unification day!
(Pumps his fist for emphasis)
The camera moves back to MAL, who closes his eyes as if in pain, then looks at ZOE, then back at LUND.
The end of the scumbag independents, the dawn
of a new galaxy!
Rough cheers burst from the crowd. MAL starts to get up.
Captain?
MAL
(leaving the table)
I just feel the need for another drink.
JAYNE
(confused, half to himself)
What month is it?
MAL walks to the bar, and stands next to the MAN, leaning forward to get the bartender's attention.
(ordering drink)
[Ching zie lie ee bay Ng-Ka-Pei? -
"Can I have one more glass of Ng-Ka-Pei, please?"]
LUND
Hey, you gonna drink t'the Alliance wi' me?
Six years today, the Alliance sent the
browncoats running, pissing their pants.
(looks at Mal, considering.)
Y'know, your coat is kinda a brownish color.
MAL
It was on sale.
MAL downs his drink.
You didn't toast? Y'know, I'm thinkin' you one
of them independents
MAL
And I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an
overabundance of schooling. So why don't we
just ignore each other, til we go away?
MAL turns away from the MAN and faces the bar.
The Independents were a bunch of cowardly inbred pisspots.
Shoulda been killed off of every world spinnin'.
MAL sets down his drink, stone faced. Turns to the MAN
(edge of anger to it)
Say that to my face.
The both stand, getting into each others' face.
(slowly)
I said, you're a coward, and a pisspot. Now what
are you gonna do about it?
MAL
(chipper)
Nothin'. I just wanted you to face me so she
could get behind ya.
LUND turns, and his face meets ZOE'S fist.
(to Zoe)
Drunks are so cute.
Entire bar pretty much gets up slowly, looking mighty pissed.
[Oh juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan. -
"Oh, this is a happy development..."]
ZOE
Jayne...
Camera pans to JAYNE, feet on the table and looking relaxed.
Hey, I didn't fight in no war. Best of
luck, though.
JAYNE drinks.
Camera moves back to MAL and ZOE.
Fine. Let's do this.
EXT. BAR - DAY
A large window, which turns out to be some sort of field rather than glass. We know this because it shifts as MAL comes flying through it. Zoom in on MAL, bringing his communicator to his mouth.
(into com)
Wash, we've got some local color happening.
Your grand entrance would not go amiss.
Cut to front of the building. ZOE is pushing two men around. The men and ZOE and MAL fight
(to ZOE)
Is Jayne even awake?
Cut to front of the building. JAYNE comes out fighting, a few more men getting pushed around by his barstool. lots of punching and fighting. Zoe head-butts someone. The fight continues until...
(looking down. Way down.)
Woah woah... haha!
ZOE, MAL, and JAYNE are backed up against the edge of a cliff.
There's just an acre of you fellas.
(to Zoe)
This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers.
ZOE
Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.
LUND comes out of the bar, big gun in hand, pointed at MAL. The two men flanking him also draw their guns.
Hey, them ain't kosherized rules.
LUND
I'm thinkin' somebody needs to put you down, dog.
What do you think?
MAL
I'm thinkin' we'll rise again.
A whir of noise and dust as a space ship appears behind MAL, ZOE, and JAYNE. A voice comes over the loudspeaker. Twanging music begins.
Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a
new crater in this little moon.
The men go back inside. ZOE, MAL, and JAYNE board the ship. MAL waves goodbye to the men.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO AREA
Damn yokels can't even tell a transport ship
ain't got no guns on it.
(laughs)
"Blow a new crater in this moon."
(laughs)
JAYNE walks off screen. We follow MAL and ZOE up the stairs and into the cockpit.
My thanks Wash, nice save as always.
WASH
A pleasure.
MAL
And how are our passengers?
KAYLEE slides out from under the instrument panel.
They're fine. So...
(excited)
... what happened? Was there a terrible brawl?
Camera pans to ZOE, sitting close to WASH
Oddly enough, there was.
WASH
(to Mal)
Are you gettin' my wife into trouble?
MAL
Wha? I didn't start it! Just wanted a quiet drink.
ZOE
(deadpan)
Funny, sir, how you always seem to find yourself
in an Alliance-friendly bar come U-day, looking
for a "quiet drink."
MAL
See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia,
all paranoid and crotchety. Makes it hard.
Camera moves to KAYLEE as she laughs at the banter, then swings to WASH
Did we at least make a contact?
MAL
(pulling out a piece of paper)
Ladies and menfolk, we have ourselves a job.
ZOE grabs the paper with a smile.
Take us out of the world, Wash, got us some
crime to be done.
EXT: Serenity moving off.
Act 1
|
Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such? |
INT. SERENITY - INFIRMARY
RIVER is on the table, asleep. Flashback to RIVER undergoing torture. RIVER screams and jumps off the table.
River?
RIVER is crying, kneeling against the wall.
River, it's okay, it's me.
RIVER continues to cry, her hands over her ears.
You know who I am?
RIVER
(duh)
Simon.
SIMON
Were you dreaming?
RIVER stands, slowly.
Did you dream about the Academy?
RIVER
It's not relevent.
SIMON
If you can talk about what happened there, and I
know it's hard but, the more I know, the faster
you'll get better.
RIVER
(quietly)
This isn't home.
SIMON
(gently)
No. No, we can't go home. If we go home, they'll
just send you back to the Academy. This is safer now.
RIVER just shakes her head and looks upset.
(cheerfully)
We're on a ship.
RIVER
(looking around)
Midbook Transport. Standard radio and accelerator
core. Class code 03-K64--Firefly.
MAL
(entering room)
Well, that's somethin'. I can't even remember all that.
MAL walks over to the sink, and starts washing his hands.
Need a weave on that?
MAL
It's nothin'.
SIMON
I expect there's someone's face feels differently.
MAL
Well, they tell ya, never hit a man with a closed
fist, but it is on occasion hilarious.
MAL dries his hands.
I suppose so. So the, ah, the fight
(looking over at River)
...didn't umm, draw any, umm, any attention.
MAL
No Feds. Just an honest brawl between folks. Ain't
none of us wanted the Alliance on us, Doctor, that's
why you're here.
SIMON
I thought I was here because you needed a medic.
MAL
Well, not today.
MAL walks out.
(staring after him)
Mal, bad. In the Latin.
INT. SERENITY - OUTSIDE OF INFIRMARY
Shepherd Book.
BOOK
Captain! How's the girl?
MAL
Just a little whimsical in the brainpan.
Seems calm enough though.
In the background, RIVER can be seen freaking out through the windows of the medical bay.
That young man's very brave.
MAL
(sarcastic cute voice)
Yeah. He's my hero.
BOOK
Gave up everything to free his sister from that
place. Go from being a doctor on the Central Planets
to hiding on the fringes of the system. There's
not many would do that.
MAL
Suppose not.
MAL starts to walk off.
Not many would take them in, either.
MAL stops.
Why did you?
MAL
Same reason I took you on board, Shepherd.
I need the fare.
MAL starts walking up the stairs. Book follows him with a laugh.
There's neither of can pay a tenth what your
crew makes on one of your "jobs".
MAL
Are you referring to our perfectly legitimate
business enterprises?
BOOK
I'm wondering why a man so anxious to fly under
Alliance radar would house known fugitives. The
Alliance had her in that institution for a purpose,
whatever it was, and they will want her back. You're
not overly fond of the boy, so why risk it?
MAL
(mock seriousness)
Only 'cause it's the right thing to do.
MAL looks at the engine room. It's a mess.
Oh, would you look at this? Kaylee!
MAL and BOOK keep walking.
I begin to wonder if you yourself know why
you're doing it.
MAL
Well what about you, Shepherd? How come you're
flying about with us brigands? I mean, shouldn't
you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies
or some such?
BOOK
Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here.
MAL
If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up.
You're welcome on my boat, God ain't.
MAL walks off.
(to himself)
Where the hell's that girl?
INT. INARA'S SHUTTLE
INARA is brushing KAYLEE'S hair.
Do you want me to put it up?
KAYLEE
No, that's okay.
INARA
You have such lovely hair. I'm sure the Doctor
would agree.
KAYLEE
Who? Simon? No, he's much too, I mean I'm just--
do you think it looks better up?
INARA
We can experiment. We might even get wild later
and wash your face.
KAYLEE
Do you ever do this for your clients?
INARA
Very occasionally. Not all of them have enough
hair to get a brush through.
KAYLEE
Have you ever had to service a really hideous client?
With boils and the like?
INARA
A Companion chooses her own clients, that's Guild law.
But physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly.
You look for a compatibility of spirit. There's an
energy about a person that's difficult to hide, you
try to feel that--
MAL walks in, and interrupts.
And then you try to feel the energy of their credit
account. It has a sort of aura.
INARA
(pissed)
What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
MAL
That it was manly and impulsive?
INARA
Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was "don't".
MAL
Well, you're holding my mechanic in thrall. And
Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room?
Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys
maybe got loose?
KAYLEE
I had to rewire the grav thrust because somebody
won't replace that crappy compression coil.
MAL
Well get the place squared away. It's dangerous in there,
and I ain't paying you to get your hair played at.
KAYLEE
(in Chinese)
[Kuh ooh duh lao bao jurn. -
"Horrible old tyrant..."]
KAYLEE gets up and goes to do what she's told.
(to Kaylee)
We work before we play.
He turns and watches INARA collect her tea things.
You're servicing crew now?
INARA
In your lonely, pathetic dreams. What do you want?
MAL
We have a job.
INARA
Congratulations. This job wouldn't be on a decently
civilized planet where I could screen some respectable
clients perhaps?
MAL
Respectable clients, it seems a contradiction.
INARA
(interrupting)
Don't start.
There is something that is intended to be UST.
There's, umm... We haven't gotten a location yet.
We'll be landing on the Skyplex in a bit. Run by
a fellow called Niska.
INARA
Never heard of him.
MAL
Well I have. While we're there, you'll stay confined
to the ship.
INARA
Is the petty criminal perchance ashamed to be riding
with a Companion?
MAL
(serious)
This guy has a very unlovely rep. He's got work for
me, fine. But I don't...
(pauses)
I'm not sure you'd be safe.
INARA
(smiling)
Mal, if you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock.
MAL grunts, and bows, walking off. He turns around and walks back towards INARA
Have you got time to do my hair?
INARA
Out.
Act 2
|
He likes to stand at the door to say Boo! |
INT. SKYPLEX.
CROW, a buff man with tattoos opens the door.
He's fine. Crow, they can come in. And Malcolm
Reynolds is which?
MAL
I'm Captain Reynolds. My First Mate Zoe, this is Jayne.
NISKA
Very nice. I am Adelai Niska. You have seen Crow.
He likes to stand at the door to say Boo!
MAL
We got word you might have a job for us.
NISKA
(standing)
Yes! Yes, an exciting job. A train has, eh, something
I need. You have worked a train before?
MAL
We did a few.
NISKA
Are you going to ask me what it is I need?
MAL
As a rule, no.
NISKA
Yes. Good! You have reputation! Malcolm Reynolds gets
it done is the talk.
MAL
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
NISKA
You know what is reputation? Is people talking. Is
gossip. I also have reputation. And not so pleasant
I think you know. Crow?
CROW swings open a door to reveal a man hanging by his feet, looking pretty gorram tortured to death.
(to MAL)
Now for you, my reputation is not from gossip. You
see this man. Eh, he does not do the job. I show
what I do him, and now my reputation for you is
fact, is solid. You do the train job for me, then
you are solid. No more gossip.
MAL
Right.
NISKA
Oooh. You do not like I kill this man.
MAL
Oh, no. I'm sure he was a very bad person.
NISKA
My wife's nephew. At dinner, I'm getting earful.
There is no way out of that. So, oh! The train job.
Come here!
(beckons)
NISKA turns on a display, indicating train cars.
Here, in fifth car, two boxes. Alliance goods. You
don't mind taking from Alliance I think. From your
reputation? You get on Train at Hancock, headed for
Paradiso. You take boxes off, before you reach
Paradiso, and deliver to Crow --
(he touches a spot on the display, which lights up)
-- here. Half money now, Crow give you other half money
at rendezvous point. Anything goes wrong, then, your
reputation, only gossip, and things between us, not
so solid. Yes?
Act 3
|
Sir, I think you've got a problem with your brain being missing |
INT. TRAIN
MAL and ZOE are seated in the train car.
How long till we hit Paradiso?
ZOE
Another twenty minutes. We should be in the
foothills in five.
MAL
Best get to work.
They stand.
He's a psycho you know. Niska.
MAL
He's not the first psycho to hire us, nor the last.
You think that's a commentary on us?
ZOE
I just have an image in my head of a guy hanging
from the ceiling.
MAL
I've got an image of it not being me. Let's do the thing.
INT. NEW TRAIN CAR
The car is filled with Feds.
Hi.
INT. SERENITY - GALLEY
BOOK is reading the Bible.
INARA enters.
Shepherd.
BOOK
Good day. So, how do you think it's going?
INARA
The caper? Mal knows what he's doing.
BOOK
How long have you known him?
INARA
I've been on this ship eight months now. I'm not
sure I'll ever actually know the Captain.
BOOK
I'm surprised a respectable Companion would sail
with this crew.
INARA
It's not always this sort of work. They take the
jobs they can get, even legitimate ones. The further
you get away from the Central Planets, the harder
things are, so this is part of it.
BOOK
I wish I could help.
(off Inara's look)
I mean, I don't wanna..not help help, not with the
thieving, but... I do feel awfully useless.
INARA
You could always pray they make it back safely.
BOOK
I don't think the Captain would much like me
praying for him.
INARA
Don't tell him.
INARA pours water into a teakettle.
I never do.
INT. TRAIN CAR
Train car with Feds. MAL and ZOE walk through the car and into a car that looks like cheap transport.
(urgently)
Sir, is there some information we might maybe be
lacking as to why there's an entire fedsquad
sitting on this train?
MAL
Doesn't concern us.
ZOE
It kinda concerns me.
MAL
I mean they're not protecting the goods. If they
were, they wouldn't be letting people past 'em.
ZOE
You don't think that changes the situation a bit?
MAL
I surely do. Makes it more fun.
ZOE
Sir? I think you have a problem with your brain
being missing.
MAL
Come on. We stick to the plan. We get the goods,
we're back on Serenity before the train even reaches
Paradiso, only now we do it under the noses of twenty
trained Alliance Feds. And that makes 'em look all
manner of stupid. Hell, this job I would pull for free.
ZOE
(amused)
Can I have your share?
MAL
No.
ZOE
If you die, can I have your share?
MAL
Yes.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO HOLD
Hey.
KAYLEE
Oh! Hey, Doctor.
SIMON
You really should just call me Simon.
KAYLEE
Oh, I'll do that, then.
SIMON
So, what are we doing?
KAYLEE
Oh! Crime.
SIMON
Crime? Good. Okay, crime.
KAYLEE
It's a train heist. See, we fly over the train car. The
Captain and Zoe sneak in, we lower Jayne onto the car,
and they bundle up the booty, and we haul 'em all back
up. Easy as lyin'.
SIMON
They've done this before?
KAYLEE
(laughing)
Hell no. But I think it's gonna work. The Captain's
[jen duh sh tyen tsai - "an absolute genius"]
when it comes to plans.
SIMON
Uhh, well, uhh. Is there anything I can...
something I should be doing?
JAYNE enters from behind SIMON
Stayin' the hell outta everyone's way.
KAYLEE
There's no call to be snappy, Jayne.
JAYNE
You about to jump on a movin' train? Captain
ain't around. I'm in charge.
KAYLEE
Since when?
JAYNE (cont'd)
And just cause Mal say's you're Medic, don't
make you part of the crew.
Pan up to RIVER sitting on the catwalk, watching them.
You just, play at figurin' what's wrong with that
moonbrained sister of yours till we call for ya.
(in Chinese)
[Dong ma? - "Understand?"]
SIMON
Right.
SIMON walks off. A rope lowers. It's what will be attached to JAYNE so he can jump on the train.
You shouldn't be so rude to him.
JAYNE
Why? Cause he's all rich and fancible?
KAYLEE
He's not rich. The Alliance crashed his accounts
when he snuck out his sister.
JAYNE
Well, we could all be rich if we handed her back.
KAYLEE
You're not even thinking that.
JAYNE
Mal is.
KAYLEE
That's not funny.
Camera pans up to RIVER, watching them from above, her face shadowed and still.
He ain't stupid. Why would he bring on trouble
like those two if there weren't no profit in it?
(camera moves back to Kaylee, locking
the rope on Jayne)
Captain's got a move he ain't made yet, you'll see.
JAYNE pulls on a ridiculous hat with floppy ear covers and a chin strap.
Time for some thrilling heroics.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
MAL is swiping a card in a reader.
Niska's sources better be good.
The card works. The door slides open.
Shiny.
INT. TRAIN - FED CAR
A FED stands up, and walks back towards the car where MAL and ZOE are breaking in for Crime Time.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
MAL pulls a box to the middle of the car, stands on it, and starts unscrewing a roof panel.
(to Zoe)
Find the cargo.
ZOE pulls a sheet off of two black boxes with red labels.
All hail the great Alliance.
EXT. TRAIN
Serenity is moving over the train, approaching from the rear, so they can drop JAYNE into the portal MAL will open.
INT. SERENITY-CARGO HOLD
A hatch opens. JAYNE pulls on goggles.
INT. SERENITY - COCKPIT
WASH steering. He's wearing a black muscle shirt.
INT. SERENITY-CARGO HOLD
JAYNE drops through the hatch.
EXT. TRAIN
JAYNE lands on the train with a grunt.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
MAL pulls off the panel, leaving an opening for JAYNE
INT. TRAIN - CHEAP CAR.
FED cocks his gun.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
JAYNE drops through the hole. MAL pats him on the back. They attach the cargo to the rope bucket thing.
(into com)
Fifteen seconds.
INT. SERENITY-CARGO HOLD
KAYLEE waits
INT. SERENITY - COCKPIT
WASH flies.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
FED enters. The smoke trap they've set up goes off. FED shoots. JAYNE'S leg takes a hit.
(to Jayne)
Gorram!
JAYNE
(into com)
GO! Go now!
INT. SERENITY-CARGO HOLD
KAYLEE starts pulling him up w/ the stuff.
INT. TRAIN - CAR WITH STUFF
Fistfight. FED gets knocked out.
(to Zoe)
Come on!
MAL and ZOE start running through the cars.
INT. SERENITY - COCKPIT
WASH flies.
INT. TRAIN
Smoke.
INT. SERENITY-CARGO HOLD
JAYNE is collapsing as the stuff is lowered.
Where are the others?
JAYNE
Ah! They shot my gorram leg.
KAYLEE
Jayne, are they still on the train? Are they
gonna be okay?
EXT. TRAIN, stopped.
Everybody off. Everybody in there okay?
EXT. PARADISO
It's a small, ragged town. Very dusty and Westerny. MAL and ZOE are standing with their backs to a RANDOM FED and the SHERIFF.
Our man didn't get a look.
SHERIFF
Well, Jesus, can somebody find out what they took?
(to someone in the crowd)
Handy! Keep those people together.
His Deputy wanders up.
It's the medicine, sir. All of the supplies.
SHERIFF
They stole the gorram medicine?
ZOE and MAL look grim.
We've been waitin'... All of it?
DEPUTY
Every ounce.
Camera pans over sad, tearful townspeople.
(sighing)
God help us.
MAL
Son of a bitch.
Act 4
|
Did he just go crazy and fall asleep? |
INT. ALLIANCE SHIP.
ALLIANCE OFFICER is walking into a station. There's an alert. OFFICER turns to ALLIANCE ENSIGN and starts talking.
What's the fuss?
ENSIGN
All network alert. Cargo theft. Medical shipment
lifted off a train in the Georgia System en route
to Paradiso.
OFFICER
(looking at the alert screen)
Six crates of Pasceline D. Right. That'll get you a
tidy fortune on the black market.
(dismissive)
Tag it received, bounce it back. Locals can
deal with it.
ENSIGN
Sir, there is a regiment holding in Paradiso. They
were on the train, headed for the installation.
OFFICER
Then get them back on the train and get it moving.
Who's holding them there?
ENSIGN
The Sheriff requested we deploy a few to help
them investigate...
OFFICER
(impatient)
These are federal marshals, not local narcotic hounds.
They've got better things to do, so do we.
OFFICER leaves.
INT. SERENITY - INFIRMARY
JAYNE is on the table, sweaty and pissed.
Gorram it, let's get us moving.
SIMON
Now, I'm not, I'm not finished.
JAYNE
(not caring)
Why are you parked here? This ain't the
[go tsao de - "dog humping"]
rendezvous spot.
WASH
It is now.
JAYNE
That's cause people are waitin', they ain't
partial to waitin'.
WASH
(sarcastic and firm)
Let 'em read a magazine. We don't make the sale
until Mal and Zoe are back on the boat.
JAYNE
These are stone killers, little man. They ain't
cuddly like me.
WASH
I'm not flying anywhere without my wife.
KAYLEE
(nervously)
She'll be okay. She's with the Captain.
JAYNE
(standing)
There, you see? Everybody wins.
He tries putting his leg down and screams in pain. BOOK is just watching the action.
Doc, I need a pop to quiet this pain some.
SIMON goes over to get some medication
(concerned)
All right, but what about the authorities? I mean,
we're sitting here with stolen Alliance goods.
Won't they be looking for us?
WASH
They buzz this canyon, we'll hear them long before
they ever see us. I figure we're good for...
RIVER
(interrupting)
Won't stop. Won't ever stop. They'll just keep coming
until they get back what you took. Two by two, hands
of blue. Two by two, hands of blue.
JAYNE
(to River)
How's about you shut that crazy mouth? Is that
a fun game?
(to everyone)
Now I'm in ruttin' charge here, and I'm tellin'
you how it works. We don't get the goods to Niska
on time, he'll make meat pies out of the lot of
us. And I ain't walkin' into that.
BOOK
Is this Adelai Niska you're talking about?
SIMON injects JAYNE with a pain shot.
Now how would a Shepherd know a name like that?
BOOK
As I've heard it, he made a deal with the Captain. If
the Captain's not there to finish it, if Niska finds
out he's being held, and may speak as to who hired
him--I think we're better off being a little late.
INT. PARADISO - HOLDING AREA
MAL and ZOE are sitting, huddled. Coughing people everywhere. It's a holding area for train passengers.
This is a nightmare.
ZOE
Nothing points to us yet, sir.
MAL
That ain't what I'm talking about.
Long shot of poor, coughing, sick, poor people.
Whatever happens, remember I love you.
ZOE
(confused)
Sir?
MAL
(with a plan)
Because you're my wife.
ZOE
Right. Sir. Honey.
SHERIFF walks up, paperwork in hands
Car 3, Row 12, Mr. and Mrs. Ring?
MAL
Can you tell us what's going on? We've been
here for so long. Did someone on the train
get killed?
SHERIFF
No, no, no. Nothing like that. Ah, says there
your fare's paid for by a third party?
MAL and ZOE stand and follow the SHERIFF to his desk.
My uncle. It was a wedding gift.
SHERIFF
Wedding gift?
The SHERIFF motions for MAL and ZOE to sit down.
Spending your honeymoon in Paradiso?
ZOE
Actually, we're here lookin' for work.
SHERIFF
That right?
MAL
My uncle said he knew a Joey Bloggs out here, said
he might have an opening. Thought we'd try our luck.
SHERIFF
You a miner by trade? Either of you?
MAL
Not really.
SHERIFF
Hmm. You don't see many choose this life
weren't born to it.
ZOE
Well, work is real scarce for a couple
just starting out.
MAL
How come there's so many sick here?
SHERIFF
Bowden's Malady. Know what that is?
ZOE
Affliction of the bone and muscle. Degenerative.
SHERIFF
Very. Every planet that's been terraformed for
human life has its own little quirks. Turns out
the, uh, air down underground, mixed up with the
ore processors is a recipe for Bowden's. Everybody
gets it. Miners, dumpers. Hell, I got it, I ain't
never set foot in a mine.
ZOE
But it's treatable?
SHERIFF
There's medicine. Pasceline. Means you can live like
a person, you get it regular. But our shipment got
stole, right off the train you was riding in. Which
is why you won't be seeing a parade in town today.
MAL
Stolen? Well, didn't I see a whole regiment of fine
young Alliance Federals on the train?
SHERIFF
You did. Same regiment let our medicine get swiped
right under their noses, then took off for their own
camp without so much as a whoopsy daisy.
MAL
That sounds like the Alliance. Unite all the planets
under one rule so that everybody can be interfered
with or ignored equally.
The SHERIFF gets up, gets a cup of coffee, and sits on his desk, facing MAL and ZOE
Alliance ain't much use to us out here on the border
planets. But... they ain't the ones that stole the
medicine. I ever find those people, they ain't ever
going to see the inside of a jail. I'm just gonna toss
'em in a mine, let 'em breathe deep for the rest of
their lives.
MAL
Can't argue with that.
SHERIFF
Ah. You mind telling me when it was you last
spoke to Joey Bloggs?
MAL
Never did myself
SHERIFF
Right. Your uncle. It was indicated to you that,
uh, Joey had an opening?
MAL
Any job would do.
SHERIFF
It's funny your uncle never went to mentioning the
Bowden's problem. Or that Joey Bloggs ate his own
gun, about eight months back.
MAL
Did he?
SHERIFF
Yep. Blew the back of his head right off.
MAL
(beat)
So... would his job be open?
INT. SERENITY - COCKPIT
JAYNE is limping up the stairs to where WASH and KAYLEE are sitting. He's followed by about everyone else. Okay, SIMON.
That's it! We've waited long enough. Let's get
this bird in the air.
WASH
No rutting way
SIMON
(to Jayne)
You really should sit down.
KAYLEE
You can't just leave the Captain and Zoe here.
JAYNE
They ain't comin', we can't walk in there and get
'em, so they're done. Now let's fire it up.
INARA and BOOK walk in.
What's going on?
JAYNE
Strap in, we're takin' off.
WASH
We're NOT.
JAYNE
Captain'd do the same if it was one of us.
KAYLEE
Not in a million years!
JAYNE
Shove it.
WASH
Listen to me!
JAYNE
You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain
I go get and beat you with until you understand who's
in ruttin' command here. Now we're finishing this deal,
and then maybe maybe we'll come back for those morons
who got themselves caught.
(starts breathing heavily)
You can't change that by getting all...
(voice slows)
...bendy.
WASH
(Not understanding the bendy thing)
All what?
JAYNE
(drugged)
You've got the light.. from the console.. keep you,
lift you up. They shine like...
(tries to catch the light in his hands)
...little angels...
JAYNE collapses with a thud. The crew just stares.
Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
SIMON
I told him to sit down.
KAYLEE
(amazed)
You doped him.
SIMON
It was supposed to kick in a good deal sooner. I,
I just didn't feel comfortable with him in charge.
I hope.. hope that's all right.
Crew looks around. Yeah. It's all right.
So. How do we get the others?
WASH
Jayne was right about them not making contact.
Chances are, they got pinched getting off
that train.
KAYLEE
We can't just waltz in and pull them out.
BOOK
Someone respectable enough might be able to.
INT. PARADISO - HOLDING AREA
Pan up from flowing rich, red satin. INARA is walking towards MAL and ZOE.
What the hell?
INARA punches him.
Don't you dare speak to me.
(to Sheriff)
Sheriff, I want this man bound by law at once.
That's assuming he hasn't been already?
SHERIFF
No one's been bound, not yet.
INARA
Thank God you stopped them.
(to Mal)
Did you honestly think you could access my accounts
and I wouldn't find you? And Zoe, what would your
husband say if he knew you were here?
ZOE
I... I was weak.
SHERIFF
So I take it they ain't newlyweds?
INARA
Hardly. Malcolm's my indentured man, with three years
left on his debt. I imagine we'll have to add another
six months after this little adventure.
SHERIFF
(re: on-looking men gawking at Inara)
You'll have to pardon them. Don't think a one of 'em's
ever seen a registered Companion before.
INARA
I apologize for my manner.
SHERIFF
Oh, not a bit.
INARA
Should I contact my ship? Do you need to hold them
very much longer?
SHERIFF
Looks to me like we're about done here. I, uh. We
had some unrelated trouble. His story had kind of
an odor to it.
INARA
Yes, it's not the only thing about him that does.
Thank you, very much Sheriff.
(To MAL and ZOE)
Come along.
SHERIFF
(to Deputy)
That's one hell of a lady. Her files were
all in order?
DEPUTY
I ran 'em twice.
SHERIFF
Hmm. Let's get started with the rest, then.
INT. SERENITY - CARGO AREA
INARA is stepping off her shuttle.
Hey. How'd it go?
MAL
She hit me.
WASH hugs ZOE. JAYNE is sprawled unconscious on the stairs.
(re: Jayne)
We tried to get him into the infirmary, he's just heavy.
WASH
Captain, I've got the engine running, we're good to go.
MAL
We're not going.
WASH
Not? What? Not why?
ZOE
We're bringin' the cargo back.
JAYNE
(semi-conscious, slurring)
Wha? Whadda mean back? I waited for you guys!
WASH
What are you talking about? What about Niska? Won't
this put him in more or less a killing mood?
MAL and ZOE are grabbing the cargo.
There's others need this more.
ZOE
Let's get it on the mule.
INARA
My shuttle's faster.
MAL
You already risked enough flying in there once. And...
I don't wanna get slapped around no more. Far as Niska
goes, we'll just have to explain to him the job went
south when we return the money.
WASH
You wanna explain, now's your chance.
CUE ominous music. They look to the dock. Someone is striding up. It's Niska's men, led by CROW.
You didn't make the rendezvous.
MAL
Ran into a few complications.
CROW
You were thinking of taking Mr. Niska's money and
his property, maybe.
MAL
Ah, interestingly, neither.
CROW
I don't understand.
MAL
Yeah, look. Here's what it is. Deal's off.
(beat, Crow still doesn't get it)
We changed our minds.
CROW
(exasperated)
You entered into an arrangement with Mr. Niska.
There is no mind changing.
MAL
(nervous laugh)
I'm afraid that's where you're wrong. We just... we
can't take this job, so you just relax. We'll get
you all the money Niska gave us up front, you return
it to him, and we'll call it even.
CROW
(shakes head)
There is no even
MAL
Is that right?
CROW throws a knife. It hits MAL in the shoulder. Guns get drawn. ZOE'S included. Shots exchanged. ZOE shoots. People fall. It's a thing.
CROW starts punching MAL. WASH uses the mule to drive over some guys. MAL's on the ground, about to get speared by CROW. A shot rings out. CROW is kneecapped.
Nice shot.
Camera pans up to JAYNE, smoking gun in hand.
(slurred)
I was aiming for his head.
EXT. PARADISO - NIGHT
MAL and ZOE are driving the cargo back.
We'll have to drag 'em from here. Leave 'em just off
the street. We'll notify the Sheriff when we're in
deep, deep space.
SHERIFF
Why not tell him in person?
CUT TO:
SHERIFF and his men coming up from over a slight rise. MAL looks shocked, ZOE looks resigned.
Got word of a ship not far out, came lookin'. Didn't
expect to find you comin' back.
It's clear now that the SHERIFF and his men are armed and prepared to use those arms if need be.
Didn't expect to be comin'.
The Sheriff's crew inspects the cargo.
Nothin' missing.
SHERIFF looks at MAL, smiles, and looks down in disbelief.
You were truthful back in town. These are tough
times. If a man can get a job, he might not look
too close at what that job is. But a man learns
all the details of a situation like ours, well,
then he has a choice.
MAL
(looking stone-cold serious)
I don't believe he does.
A look of understanding passes between them.
(to crew)
Get these crates back to town. Make yourselves useful.
EXT. SERENITY - NIGHT
CROW is on his knees, hands tied behind his back
Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance.
You bring it back to him, tell him the job didn't
work out.
(Crow spits)
We're not thieves--but we are thieves. Point is
we're not takin' what's his. Now we'll stay out of
his way the best we can from here on in. You
explain that that's best for everyone, okay?
CROW stands.
Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't
matter where you go, or how far you fly. I will
hunt you down, and the last thing you see will
be my blade.
MAL
Darn.
MAL kicks CROW into the engine intakes. Horrible crunching sounds happen. A second one of Niska's henchmen is brought bound before him.
Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance.
HENCHMAN
Oh, I'm good. I speak for everyone. I'm right
there with you.
INT. SERENITY - INFIRMITY
SIMON is stitching up MAL's shoulder.
You should have let me do this sooner.
MAL
I have had plenty worse it's just
(Simon hits something sensitive)
OUCH!
SIMON
Sorry.
MAL
Just be careful. Pretty fast thinkin', doping up
Jayne. Can't say you've made a lifetime friend.
SIMON
I'll deal with him.
MAL
Yeah, I'm not too worried about you.
(beat)
How's your sister?
SIMON
The same. One moment she seems perfectly cogent,
the next...
CAMERA moves to the outside of the infirmary and pans right.
...she speaks nonsense, like a child. So difficult
to diagnose. And I still don't know what the government
was trying to do with her, so I have no idea if
they succeeded.
SIMON's voice fades out as RIVER's grows louder. The camera moves in on her. She's curled in a corner, chanting:
Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue...
INT. ALLIANCE SHIP
ALLIANCE OFFICER from earlier walks into a room. There are two men in suits there.
Sorry to keep you waiting. There's always
one crisis...
He's interrupted by the MAN.
We're not interested. We're here about a theft.
OFFICER
The medicine, on that planet. Word came up
that was returned.
OTHER MAN
We didn't fly 86 million miles to track down
a box of bandaids, Colonel.
MAN
We're looking for a girl.
The MAN slides a picture of RIVER across the desk. We see that his hands are encased in tight blue gloves.
This girl.
As the camera pans out, we see that the OTHER MAN is also wearing blue gloves.
BLACK OUT.
